Conflicts

How much should we meddle in a child’s life?  Our child comes home one day upset that another child was mean to her.  Our protective instinct kicks in, and based on our own thoughts and experiences, we react, and project how we think a child should react. Our adult logic comes in, and we start giving advice on what we think would be the best way to handle the situation.  All that is good, but the probability is that we might make the scenario much bigger than what it is.  One, we are reinforcing the situation on something that we feel is wrong.  Second, we are encouraging the child to keep harboring the negative emotion, even if the situation might be a minor one.

Children have this amazing ability of letting go and forgiving quickly.  Kids can be friends one moment, hate each other in the next, and be best of friends again within the hour. Usually they figure out how to be buddies again, for they are by nature friendly, and do not hold on to grudges, or negative emotions for long.  To interfere, and expect them to react the way you would, means you are making them more like adults who have a different way of seeing things.

The probability is that 90% 0f the time, children learn how to solve their own conflicts. Let it be.  Interfere only if you can see a repetition of some sort, or if you feel the incident will have a long lasting emotional effect on the child. However, usually you will not have to step in at all, for your child will have already figured out how to solve their problem. Sometimes, when I watch children, I feel that we as adults can learn a lot from them by learning how to let go and be friends again.

Importance of Routine

We often hear parents complaining about the fact that their child does not want to do anything, but play on the computer or watch television. Given, that these sources of technology offer so much stimulus and entertainment, one can see why this could happen.  Establishing a routine at a young age can help with this issue.

Try to work out a schedule that would benefit both you and the child.  Some factors that I would consider before making a plan is to work with your child’s personality and your own schedule.  Consider these facts. What are your child’s study habits? How are they after they come home from school? Do they need a break at once, or can they wait till the much later?  Is the computer or television being used as a reward,  relaxing, or keeping them busy? How long do they sit on it?

Based on these questions, you then can come up with a routine.  For example, if a child finds it hard to switch from play to homework, then it would make more sense to have them finish everything, and then play. The play time then could be used as a reward.

Their favorite show comes at a certain time only? Tape the show. It saves time, skipping commercials, and the child will feel good not missing anything.

Is your child too tired to do homework after school? Let them come home, unwind eating a snack and talking to you. After that, they can finish what they have to before they go on the computer or television.

Be consistent with your expectations. When the child sees that it is a non-negotiable issue, there will be less and less resistance.  It takes a while for a routine to be established. It might take more time, and resistance, if you try to change it during the middle of the year. This is where you as an adult play an important role as consistency is important. Do not incorporate anything that you cannot be consistent with,  for a child cannot take this issue seriously if he sees his own parents give in or giving up.  Instead, find a plan and routine that works well for everyone.  Do not think in terms of this is how it should be done, but in terms of this how it works well for all in the family.